Anxious, Anxious Remedy.

“ANXIETY ATTACKS: Intense feelings of fear, doom, foreboding, and gloom; a sudden urgency to escape, run away, or get out; the fear that you may lose control of your thoughts and actions; dizziness; nausea and vomiting; a feeling like you might pass out; trembling or shakiness; weakness; difficulty breathing; pounding or racing heart; hot or cold flashes; chest pain; hands and feet may feel numb; you may be lightheaded or woozy; irrational thoughts, and a number of other physical, psychological, and emotional symptoms.”

“What exactly is anxiety? What does it actually feel like?” These are the questions I get asked the most, and honestly I don’t have a perfect answer. Anxiety comes in many different forms. Some people struggle secretly on a daily basis. Others, like myself, have physical symptoms that can be extremely scary.

When I begin to experience an anxiety attack the first symptom I notice is heart palpitations. I’m an RN so this is really scary for me because I go from 0 to 100 real quick. This was especially scary before I truly understood my anxiety.

I was officially diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety in 2007 at 17 years old. At the time I thought it was a phase, just typical struggles of a high school student with way to much stress. However, the older I got the more I began to realize that anxiety is very real.

I experienced a lot of small attacks during high school, but again I brushed them off. It wasn’t until my junior year of college that I endured my worst attack to date.

I was sitting in one of my nursing classes with 40 other students. I was listening to the lecture when all of the sudden my heart began to race uncontrollably. I tried to quietly calm myself down, but after 2 minutes I could tell something was wrong.

I sat my head down on my desk because I began to feel like I was going to pass out. My friend looked over and asked if I was okay and told me I was looking pale. I couldn’t even respond to her because my mouth couldn’t form words.

I finally stood up and walked out of the classroom. Everyone was staring at me (including the teacher), but I didn’t care. I simply knew I had to get out of there. My friend followed me, brought my stuff and called my dad to come pick me up.

My dad immediately raced to the school and took me to the hospital. There they performed a series of tests (EKG’s, ECHO’s, etc). After a few hours they determined I’d experienced an anxiety attack and sent me home with medication.

There are no words to describe how scared I felt that day. If it wasn’t for the support of my family I don’t know what I would’ve done. Since then I’ve only had one other major attack. However, this time I was able to talk myself through it.

After extensively researching and understanding anxiety, I decided to write a poem to document that moment in my life. Writing and music are the best ways I know how to express myself. I thought if just one person could realize that this is an actual disorder, everything I’ve experienced would be worth it.

 

 

“My mind feels like it’s beaten down, My soul feels ripped and torn
My heart is worn and fading fast, My body starts to mourn
My muscles tense and then they quake, My eyes drag to the ground
My mouth can merely utter words, My ears don’t hear a sound
My nose no longer smells the scents, Tears flood my washed out face
My hair is dull and brittle, My thoughts just run in place
My fingers tap the surface, as I sing a frantic tune
A glossy layer coats my face, My brain starts to assume
I feel my stomach rumble, With doubts of every kind
My knees begin to buckle, Both my eyes go blind
My limbs shake uncontrollably, My skin creeps and it crawls
My eyelids start to flutter, I try hard not to fall
The anxiety completes its course, This time I have survived
Yet I always seem to wonder, When it will once again arrive
It doesn’t even matter now, This battle I have won
But the war will carry on for life, The end may never come.”

 

So if someone comes to you battling anxiety, please don’t turn them away. Educate yourself, and help them in any way you can. You would be surprised to learn that simply listening, talking through it, and physically being there for them makes all the difference in the world. Be the rock that they’re needing in that moment.

For those of you who join me in the struggle of anxiety, I say a special prayer for you. I pray peace, love, and healing for your soul. There will be dark days ahead, but remember they’re only for a moment. Don’t let anxiety control your life. Always remember that this is YOUR life, and you are not alone.

XOXO,
Myka Shantell💋

 

5 Ways Becoming a Nurse Changed My Life.

“Being a nurse isn’t about grades, it’s about being who we are. No book can teach you how to cry with a patient. No class can teach you how to tell their family that their parents have died or are dying. No professor can teach you how to find dignity in giving someone a bed bath. A nurse is not about the pills or charting. It’s about being able to love people when they are at their weakest moments.” – Anonymous

Since the first grade I always knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. Other kids in my class would talk about becoming astronauts, pilots, millionaires or the president of the United States. I would sit back and giggle at their fairytale dreams because I knew what I was going to be…I was going to be a Registered Nurse.

Now, I will say I was definitely influenced significantly by my family. My Grandmother was a nurse for almost 40 years, my mother was a tech for a Neurology doctor and my entire family was blessed with the gift of compassion. Whether it was breaking my arm (twice) when I was 6 years old or having a severe anaphylactic reaction to eating apricots, my family always knew how to take care of it’s own.

After high school I busted my butt to complete my college basics in an ungodly amount of time, but in the end it all paid off. I was able to complete a 5 year Bachelors of Science in Nursing degree in 3 and a half years. Sure I didn’t have much of a social life in college, but my age gave me a huge advantage in the professional world. I completed my degree 1 month after my 22nd birthday.

I have now been an RN for 3 and a half years, and all I can think is “where has the time gone?” It feels like only yesterday I was having a panic attack as my mother drove me to Oklahoma City to take my NCLEX Nursing Boards. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever been that nervous in my entire life.

After the tests, classes, presentations, 12 hour clinical rotations and sleepless nights had ended I figured nursing would be a piece of cake. Graduation was the final step in what seemed like a eternity of schooling. Taking care of peoples’ lives is no small task, but I felt like if I could handle nursing school I could take on the world. Boy was I wrong.

Looking back on it now I realize that nursing school was a mere foundation for what I’ve learned in the real world of nursing. My professional experiences make school seem like a vacation. I never realized how much I would discover being hands on. I could never imagine how deeply I would actually impact so many peoples’ lives.

There have been a lot of wonderful and terrible moments in my nursing career thus far. I’ve seen some of the most amazing miracles and some of the more devastating heartbreaks. I’ve held a newborn baby mere seconds after it was born, and I’ve held the hand of a patient as they took their last breath.

Nothing in school could prepare me for what was to come. No textbook or video could’ve explained how many life lessons I would learn from my profession. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret becoming a nurse in the slightest. It’s been the most rewarding thing I could ever do. However I will say that I’ve learned a lot along the way. Some of the main lessons I’ve learned are:

1.) Someone Always has it Worse:

As humans it becomes so easy to throw ourselves a pity party. It’s so easy to think “poor me, what have I done to deserve this?” We’ve all done it because it’s part of our genetic makeup. I would never minimize what someone is going through, but I’m here to tell you my friend that there is someone out there going through things we couldn’t even imagine. Just remember to count your blessings.

2.) Each Day is a Gift:

One practice I’ve tried to implement in my daily routine is to wake up and thank God for my blessings before my feet ever touch the ground. It’s so easy to get caught up in our hectic day. We wake up, get ready, make the kids breakfast, get them ready for school, send them on their way, head to the office, get off work, cook dinner, get everyone bathed, lay down and repeat the next day. So many people out there are praying for things that we take for granted. Take a single moment to thank God for what He’s given you.

3.) Age is Merely a Number:

While I’ve known this little fact for a while, I never understood the entirety of its meaning. I’m an old soul, a 50 year old in a 25 year old body. I’ve seen patients less than half my age face battles that I don’t think I could handle. I’ve seen 95 year old women with the fight of a child. Our physical age doesn’t define us, it’s simply a record keeper of how many years we’ve inhabited the Earth. No matter what stage of life you are in remember that age is only a number.

4.) Miracles are Real:

Growing up Baptist, I’ve always believed in miracles. For some it’s hard to believe that Jesus walked on water, turned water into wine and that He rose from the grave. I’ve never once doubted these biblical miracles, but seeing what I call a “new age” miracle will truly open your eyes. I’ve witnessed people walk after years of being paralyzed. I’ve seen people literally walk away from crashes that no one was expected to survive. I’ve watched children courageously beat cancer and patients that woke up after months of being in a coma. To say there is no God is crazy to me because I’ve seen His work first hand.

5.) Life is Short:

Becoming a Pediatric Registered Nurse has always been my lifelong dream, but I never imagined the huge amount of emotional, mental and physical stress that comes with the job. “Life is short” seems like such a cliche line, but unfortunately it’s so true. Whether you’re 2 months old or 82 years old, time waits for no one. I learned this lesson when my best friend passed away at only 14 years old, but now I see it reiterated on a daily basis. I will forever live my life to the fullest.

Being a nurse has shown me some of the most amazing and most brutal things. Every single day I learn something new, I see something new. Technology, medications and nursing based practices are constantly changing, but one thing remains the same…the desire I have to care for others to the best of my ability.

I’ve learned to care for people without judgement, and how to effectively use my compassionate nature to help those in need. That’s the greatest lesson of them all, “Love thy neighbor as thy self.” So next time you see a nurse please tell them “Thank you.” You will never know how much that truly means to us.

 

XOXO,
Myka Shantell💋

 

How to Love a Roller Coaster Girl.

 

Dear Future Love,

I’ve always thought of myself as unpredictable, somewhat of a wildcard, I guess. My life is a revolving door of emotions, and I’m never sure which feeling the next day will bring. My anxiety doesn’t help the matter, it only makes it worse. Instead of  covering my beautiful chaos, I’ve learned to fully embrace it.

I’m hoping that one day you too will learn how to love this girl.

Things won’t be easy, and not in that cheesy romantic movie kind of way. I mean things really won’t be easy. You’ll see me at my highest highs and my lowest lows. Sometimes the two will become so intertwined that you won’t even know the difference. Things will get crazy, messy and erratic, but hold on tight and have faith.

My pure love and loyalty will make the bumpy ride worth it.

I’ll admit it here and now, I’m somewhat of a roller coaster girl. Life with me will be a sea of emotions, but it will be the adventure of a lifetime.

Some days my anxiety will get the best of me, and I’ll seem like a frantic mess. Simply pull me back to reality and keep me focused. There will be times when you just won’t know how to comfort me, and that’s okay. In those devastating moments, I simply need you to wrap your arms around me and tell me it’ll be alright.

Some days will be full of sunshine, and I won’t be able to contain my smile. I’ll laugh and giggle like a teenage girl until we’re both rolling on the floor. I’ll probably make jokes that aren’t funny to anyone but me. I may even make a silly face and sing a song in my cartoon voice. In those moments, embrace my playful self and laugh with me.

There will be days when I’ll unfairly take out my frustrations on you, even though I know you don’t deserve it. I’ll yell and maybe even say things I don’t mean. I may cuss, cry or run away. In those moments, gently remind me that my problems aren’t with you, and I’ll quickly apologize.

At times, I may reach a place of independence, moments when I just need to be alone. Give me space to figure things out, but gently remind me that you’re still there when I need you. Allow me time to fight my demons, but never make me feel alone.

There will be days when I feel extreme sadness. I may cry without reason, or shut the world out for a while. I won’t be able to explain to you why I’m feeling this way because I probably won’t even know it myself. I’ll have to avoid sad animal commercials and sappy movies, or I may just lose it.

In these moments, tell me you love me, and wipe away my tears.

Some days, I’ll be super annoyed by things that seem stupid and petty. I may make passive aggressive comments or smart-aleck remarks. I may seem like a completely obnoxious princess whose crown has gotten a little too tight. Bring me back to reality, and remind me that the world doesn’t revolve around me.

At least twice a week, I’ll probably be super stressed out. I’ll tell you that you don’t understand, and try to shut you out. I’ll act like the world is coming to an end, and pace like a mad person. I may possibly work myself up to the point where I just shut down. In these moments, I need you to tell me that God is in control and to relax.

While it seems like a lot to handle, I know you’ll be up to the challenge. I strongly believe that we all have a soul mate, someone who can stand us at our worst and best. Just know that despite my ever-changing emotions, I will love you wholeheartedly.

No matter what life brings at us, we’ll fight through it together. You’ll be my comfort, and I’ll be your rock. I’ll love you through the highs and the lows, the good and the bad.

You’ll be the first person I open my guarded heart up to since my last heartbreak. You’ll get to know my deepest secrets, hopes and desires. Ultimately, you’ll learn to love this roller coaster girl. So strap yourself in and hold on tight, it’s time for the ride of our lives.

“Life is amazing. And then it’s awful. And then it’s amazing again. And in between the amazing and the awful it’s ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale during the ordinary. That’s just living heartbreaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life. And it’s breathtakingly beautiful.” ~ L.R. Knost

 

XOXO,
Myka Shantell💋